EurAuPair

And where are you from? "I am from Moldova!"

By Marcella Florea, EurAupair, Moldova

Not long ago this answer resulted in an enigmatic smile and pinched eyebrows followed by a Wikipedia look-up. There she blows between the Ukraine and Romania, by the Black Sea, a country whose borders, over the centuries, have moved more dramatically than a recidivist, champion weight-watcher. Nowadays Moldovans, happy, bright eyed and earnest, have arrived. But what is it to be a Moldovan?

We are mostly Latin people, mixed with Ukrainians, Russians, Gagauzians (Christian Turks), Bulgarians, Jews, Belarussians, Germans and Poles. Half of us live in the country the rest in the two main cities, but mainly in Chisinau, the capital.

We are a bit schizophrenic linguistically. We can't say we speak Romanian as this would imply we are in league with Greater Romania, nor can we admit to speaking Russian for fear of being part of post Soviet expansionism. So we speak Moldovan, criticize the Russians for not speaking Moldovan and go and see English films dubbed into Russian. Our parents, in fact anyone over 30, were all taught exclusively in Russian, even had Moldovan texts printed in Cyrillic phonetics. They couldn't get a job unless they spoke Russian. Suddenly it was the other way around, no job unless you speak Moldovan, but you better speak Russian and English as well.

There are compensations in being caught between cultures. There are: Russian Orthodox, Greek Orthodox, Roman Catholic, Baptist, Apostolic and Jewish traditions. So we have two of everything! Two Christmases (25th December and 7th January), two New Years (1st and 13th January), two Valentine's (14th February and 8th March), Spring Day (the 1st March 'Martisor' festival), Independence Day, Victory Day, City Day, Name Day, Wine Festival. You name it, we'll have an excuse to celebrate it, at least once.

It is impossible to keep a birthday secret in Moldova; a list of birthdays is part of every notebook. To forget a birthday is the biggest crime. It is the 11th Commandment. Male or female, you will get presented with bouquets, chocolates, long poetic greetings and you absolutely have to provide, at work and at home, a spread of canapes, meats, cheeses, salads, wine, champagne and cognac.

When it comes to gift-giving, however, it can be a bit tricky for foreigners. You may take a shine to a Moldovan girl, confidently present four yellow-roses, and then get a startled look. Why? Well, it's basically saying, "I hate you and hope you die". Even numbers and yellow are associated with death. Now, three white-roses, that's another matter!

August is the big month for weddings, following the rich harvest of fruits, vegetables, nuts and grapes. In Chisinau there are daily queues of brides and spouses, fresh from the Church, with their parties to lay flowers at the feet of the statue of Steven the Great, to walk around Pushkin Park before going to the wedding party, where a small one would have 200 guests and go on for at least a day. In the villages they go on for days. Weddings are a really serious affair, a big day complete with great flowing white dresses, suits and waistcoats, and convoys of decorated cars hooting their horns.

However life's pretty tough for most Moldovans. A small, landlocked country with no natural resources other than rich, black soils, surrounded by a trade and visa curtain that even makes a trip to the Romanian sea side like organizing a break out from Alcatraz. After the Soviet Union collapsed, manufacturing died as quickly as the mammoths on the Siberian Plains. Industry, devastated and impoverished, practically vanished overnight. Parents' life savings were made worthless by the ensuing rampant inflation. Now, in the new wild west form of capitalism, if something works, makes money, it spreads like emboli. It’s hard to be long term when the short term is a daily struggle towards tomorrow.

Getting a career, a good job, is like seeking Kubla Khan. It's not just having three or more languages, a good degree, being presentable and punctilious, with a willingness to work. Most importantly it's having the right connections. Moldova is still a nepotic society - it's more who you know, than what you know. It's a problem, made worse by the fact that every business that struggles and fights its way out into the daylight is subject to every kind of control. Bureaucracy is sophisticated and thriving and still can't quite accept that a business that is thriving is not a bad thing, not evidence of some dubious speculation, but maybe even a good thing that should be encouraged and not squashed and exploited.

So, how can you spot a real Moldovan and not a pretender? A handy checklist would include a number of questions, to which any real Moldovan would score at least 90%:

- You make your own noodles; you keep leftover food in the fridge in as many bowls as possible and you don't know how to use a dishwasher.

- You had to share a room until you were 21. Your mom tells you you're too skinny even though you're 30 pounds overweight; and she still sends you food parcels as she is sure you’re not eating enough.

- You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it’s normal.

- Children have nicknames, which sound nothing like their real names.

- You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house. When on the phone, your parents don't realize phone connections have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making long distance calls.

- Your parents never throw anything away and if you by some chance manage to get something to make it to the garbage can... it mysteriously appears back where it was again.

- You're twenty years old and your parents want to see you married because you're old. It's "normal" if your wedding has 600 people and you don’t know half of them as your parents invited them. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.

- Your mom recycles plastic cups, paper plates and sandwich bags by washing them.

- You (or your parents) have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table and you have lace curtains and lace tablecloths.

- Asking if you can get a discount at a discount store on clearance items is normal and not embarrassing for your parents.

- You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane. You've seen the ground whilst inside the lavatory of a train.

So there you have it, I am Moldovan. Maybe you will understand it if I may go a little whiter when you talk about stacking a dishwasher, driving a SUV or roasting a leg of lamb; I've never seen a whole leg of lamb as the nearest thing to a butcher I've known has been the guy at the market with an axe and a total conviction that meat can only be eaten if it is chopped up into pieces no bigger than 2 inches across and that cooked meat with a trace of blood is a bio-hazard. Well, it is normal. I am interested to see and experience your culture, your country, your traditions, your values. To see if the grass is really greener or a different kind of green. To feel and see how my country could grow and still be the land of my birth.